Hi Jason,
Thanks so much for reaching out and first off, we totally get how frustrating it is to wait ages for updates to install, especially on a brand-new Surface Laptop 7th Edition. You’re not imagining it, and you’re definitely not the only one seeing this behavior.
We’ve heard from other Microsoft user, Problems with KB5063878 Windows Update - Microsoft Q&A who’ve experiencing and noticed that updates like KB5063878 seem to take much longer than expected on these devices. What’s especially puzzling is that this happens even with a strong Wi-Fi connection, whether plugged in or not, and even after a full OS recovery. So you're absolutely right to raise this.
Here’s what might help:
Try installing updates manually from the Microsoft Update Catalog. It can be faster and more reliable than waiting on Windows Update.
Use the Media Creation Tool to do an in-place upgrade. It refreshes your system without wiping your files and can fix hidden update issues.
Check for the latest Surface firmware and drivers you may use this link to check updates:
Download drivers and firmware for Surface - Microsoft Support
Download Surface Pro 7 Drivers and Firmware from Official Microsoft Center
Temporarily disable background apps and services before running updates. It reduces system load and can speed things up.
We’re here to help however you need whether it’s walking you through the steps or checking your firmware version together. Just let us know what works best for you!